D*I*V*O*R*C*E*D

It's official! I am now divorced. It feels so great. As of June 17,2009 I am no longer married to Jeffrey. The irony of it all is that is the same day that my parents divorce went threw. I feel so free now. Which is weird seeing how I already lived as if I was divorced, but this means that Corey and are one step closer to being able to start our lives together.

FREEDOM!!!!

I Don't Want To Share Anymore!

Growing up with two little sisters and always having other little kids around, I learned that you had to share really fast. I was always really good about it too... aside from the phase I went threw when I would hid up on the top bunk of my bed so Liz couldn't get to what I was playing with.

Now it's not toys that I have to share. It's my little boy. Honestly, that is THE worst part of getting a divorce. You would think that after almost a year it would start to get easier. I hate sharing him with his dad. Gregory always gets upset when he has to leave me. I know it breaks his heart.

The downside to "sharing" your kid...

1) Not knowing what knowing what he is doing.

2) Not knowing if he's eating healthy.

3) Not knowing that he's safe.

4) Not knowing if he's happy.

5) Not knowing

6) Not knowing

7) Not knowing

8) Not knowing

9) Not knowing

10) Not knowing

The upside to "sharing" your kid...

1) He's with his dad.

2) I work nights so I get to catch up on sleep.

Greg's Baby

A few months ago Corey won a stuffed cow out of the claw machine at Wal-Mart. Greg confiscated it and the cow became his "baby". He even so much as tucks the cow into bed with him and gives it a kiss. On occasion the cow even ends up getting a bit of Greg's food.
Before, I didn't have a problem with him wanting to take it to Jeffrey's house. After my mom had to play doctor and sew up it's nose Greg has been very possessive of it now. He has been taking it back-and-forth between our two houses.
This last week Greg's baby was left behind at Daddy's house. He did fine without it, right up until it was time to go to bed. Then he kept asking for his baby and would "moo" for it. Luckily, my sister Maggie left a stuffed cow at Mom's house and Greg had already taken it home with him. This cow worked as a substitute baby for the week. However, it still took him a little to fall asleep as compared to when he usually has the right cow.
Now I know how my mom felt when I had my teddy bear... which I still keep in my bedroom.

*Note to self- Make sure your baby has his baby from now on.*

Little Sister

You have know that I have had problems with depression since I was in high school and that I have had to take anti-depressants and anti-psychotics for it. It wasn't until recently that you started to question my use of the anti-psychotics.
Here's the full story baby sister...
Ever since I was about five years old I began to have problems with depression. I was had a lot of "imaginary" friends that I never told people about. This was due to the fact that they scared me. I never understood why my friends scared me when ever other little kid played with theirs. It wasn't until I got older I started to realize what was going on with me.
There would be nights that I would wake up and hear noises that scared me, I would go to Mom and Dad's room only to find my imaginary friends in there only to get more frightened.
When our parents got a divorce, Mom started taking me to get help. After about a year of counseling I told the lady about the added problems that I had with my depression. This is where the anti-psychotics came in.
You see, I never did have imaginary friends and the noises I would weren't actually there. I hear things and see things that aren't actually there. I have had this problem ever since I can remember. To this day I still have that problem. It still scares me.
I have learned to accept the fact that I have a disorder and need medication to help me. It is a hard fact to deal with, but I know that it is what is best for me. I have been stubborn several times and taken myself off of my meds. When I do, I know that I shouldn't. It's just a fact of my life that I have a personality disorder and I need to accept that.
I know that it is hard for you to deal with needing medication, but trust me... it will get easier. More people will be understanding when they find out you take medication then you would think.

The Biggest Fear In My Life

It's funny how when you're a kid you biggest fears are always something like snakes or spiders. Then as you get older it changes to dieing or how you're going to die.
Death always was terrifying to me. Ever since I was a little girl I knew what it was, yet I never new someone to leave this life in good way. That mad it even scarier for me. My Grandpa died before I was born. I always knew that it was due to a heart attack and that those weren't good.
Now that I'm a mom, my biggest fear is not how I'm going to die or the simple fact that I'm going to die. My fear is what is going to happen to my son when I do die.
You never know when it's going to happen. Yeah. I am only twenty years old, but how do I know that he will be taken of if I leave him before he's eighteen? Will he still get the chance to see my family? Will he still know that his mommy loves him and did ever thing possible to give him everything that she could? Or will he just know his life as his dad and step-mom's life?
I love my son more then anything.

My life as a single mom... by choice...

It has been almost a year since I left my soon-to-be ex-husband Jeffrey. In the past year I have really bettered my life. In the beginning I didn't think that I would make it. I never thought I was as strong of a person as what I have now found out that I am.
Jeffrey and I conceived our little boy, Gregory, not long after we graduated high school. We got married August 2006, I was three months along at that point. The marriage was destined for failure, yet I still attempted. The entirety of our marriage we constantly at each others throats. I was a stay-at-home taking care of Greg 24/7. Once I realize that this was not the road I wanted to take for the rest of my life I applied for jobs. I got hired on at Wal-Mart Supercenter. I will be working there for a year February 15. Jeffrey and I called it quits not long after that. He now is living with his girlfriend and her two daughters. He is a lot happier with her, in return I am happy for him. I am glad that he found some one to make him happy. They plan on getting married.
I met the love of my life, Corey, working at Wal-Mart. We started dating in October. Though we haven't been together very long, I know that this is the feeling that I should have felt when Jeffrey and I got married. He treats my son as if he was his own. They are so cute together. We already have talked about getting married. Although that won't be for awhile. I do want to at least be officially engaged soon. Corey treats my like a goddess. He even calls me his princess. I have never been so happy.
I'm back at square one... and it's never felt better.